jAZZ

a memoir

by John R. Brzezinski

 

It was the spring after Kennedy had been shot and only moments before I would turn fourteen. After wandering around the neighborhood, having visited all the usual places; the slot car track, the coffee shop, the library, and the record store across from the library, Charlie and I ran out of things to do. Uncharacteristically lacking any mischievous ideas, he invited me to his house. On the surface, this might seem to be nothing out of the ordinary, but for me this was anything but ordinary. In the first place, I had never been there before. Beyond that, Charlie was the only kid I knew that didn't attend Catholic school. He didn't even have go to Mass and this alone made him an exotic companion. This, coupled with the fact that I would never invite anyone to my house. After all, my parents were there and I had strict rules that nobody was welcome if they weren’t home.

We came in through the back yard, double jumped up the steps, and broke into the kitchen. It smelled good and was warm. We followed the music that was floating in from the living room. Charlie's mom and her boyfriend were slouched on the couch, veiled in cigarette smoke, slow-eyed from drinking wine, looking at 3-D slides through a plastic viewer. The room was a wreckage of tottering stacks of books and magazines, artifacts of all manner and style, potted plants, record albums, framed photographs, loose photographs, ink drawings, half burned candles, thick ones and tall ones, small ones and large, and a thousand other dusty things, all steeping in a dreamy, cool music I hadn’t heard before. I'd never experienced anything like this before, nor seen grown people dawdling on a Saturday afternoon, drinking wine. I'd never seen so many books outside of a library, or so much clutter, anywhere, ever. Fascinating things and clutter had no place in my parents' house. The antiseptic rooms there were spared of anything beyond the absolutely essential and each stood ready for another thorough vacuuming and scrubbing. The scant embellishments at my home were in the form of images of Jesus, his relatives, and the calendar from our parish church, The Maternity of Blessed Virgin Mary. I kid you not.

I barely noticed the boyfriend, a dark haired, goateed Bohemian; instead transfixed on Charlie's mother. Charlie’s mother was nothing at all like my mother or anyone else's mother I knew. She was younger, pretty, and sensual. Standing at the edge of the living room, uneasily, as if at the edge of a cliff, a flashback reminded me that I had seen her before; three or four months earlier at the slot car track. She had come in looking for Charlie. I remembered it because everyone stopped racing his car when she walked in. She wore precarious high-heeled leather boots, a short black leather jacket and a skirt so tight and short it would have made the cadaverous nuns at school stop breathing and turn pale. I remembered the moment vividly. The way she lowered her mirrored sunglasses, movie-star-like, to scan the store. She held them just an inch away from her face, the plastic arms hugging her cheekbones as she peered over the top of the frame. It was a smooth throaty voice behind the carefully lipsticked mouth that asked. When she left, all of us boys and the owner of the store silently migrated to the window, magnetically, to stare as she crossed the street. She jay-walked confidently, flippantly, across the four lanes of traffic, oblivious that the oncoming cars had to slow to let her pass. Her gait caused everyone to hold his breath. "Holy shit, who was that?" someone murmured. No one knew and we turned back to the business of racing.

Later Charlie showed up and shrugged apologetically, "That must have been my mom." “Yeah, sure, Charlie, your Mom.” We all roared and pushed and shoved him and each other, laughing at his lie. Soon the cars were whizzing; the moment forgotten.

But now I was staring, dumbstruck, at the living proof that it really had been his mom. Thick ink black hair surrounded an elongated oval face of olive tinted china-doll skin, punctuated by painstakingly mascara'd eyelashes and painted lips. Tight black pants and a skintight scoop neck sweater defined her every curve. Cher would soon cultivate this lithe look, but even Cher didn't know it yet. Some universe was born and died in the time that passed from the moment my eyes fell on her and the moment when I finally spoke. “What this music?” I asked, reddening my neck and ears. She pulled the viewer away from her eyes, holding it in the same pose as she had held the sunglasses, and considered me with a sideways look. Her eyes smiled. "Wes Montgomery," I heard, in her oily-smooth, throaty voice. She took a drag and exhaled an impressive cloud. "Nice, huh?"

Charlie leaned forward and lit one of her cigarettes, confirming I had slid into a lair of unholy indulgence. I’m sure I broke into a sweat when Charlie introduced my name. She outstretched a slender arm, without leaning forward much, and delicately grasped my hand. Her fingernails were flawlessly honed and japaned. Her eyes were as dark as ink. Mine shyly flashed away. The boyfriend nodded to acknowledge me, most of his gesture in the easy movement of a thick eyebrow, a slight nod and twinkle of the eye.

She reloaded the slide holder and motioned to me with a slight pat on the couch to sit beside her. "Take a look at this." I sat down slowly, careful not to brush against her. She shifted to give me a close look. I was barely breathing. My eyes focused on an intensely saturated image of a sunset, a photo she had taken along a road somewhere in Florida. The deep perspective of the silhouetted columns of roadside palms and a ribbon of pavement, in full three dimensional effect, disappeared into the horizon, drawing my eyes into an unreal and dazzling polychrome sky. It may as well have been a photo from Mars or a powerful drug-induced hallucination. I was mesmerized, suspended in a throbbing, iridescent Shangri-la, as the smooth jazz seeped into my ears and pores. I wondered what she would show me next. And I just knew I would be late getting home.

. . .

 

copyright 2005 - John Brzezinski - all rights